The Happening

I don’t know if I’m going to make it.

My heart was pounding. My breath was ragged. My head was chaos. I quickened my pace, but tried to appear controlled, collected: I was a man on a mission. The forced smile likely did little to mask what must have seemed a dull grimace to passing onlookers. But their thoughts could not have been more than speculation, a fortune cookie’s read into a situation far more complex and terrifying than any unconcerned pedestrian might fathom. And the situation was mine.

What will happen if I don’t?

The structure was visible now. Sweat had long ago begun to flow, but there was no time to worry. I tried increasing the pace again, straining against the muscles that screamed, that must have wondered why this absurd posture was carried on. Yet I persisted, onward to the door, and through it in one swift motion. The interior breached, I nearly lunged toward the elevator and hit the call button, then glanced at the floor indicators only to be mocked with ludicrous heights.

God, not here. Not like this.

The lift descended with agonizing slowness. It took all my strength to keep my body still, to contain the raw adrenaline coursing through me. I hardly noticed the movement to enter the car when it arrived; it was as if I’d materialized there upon its appearance. A stroke of luck: I was alone. Only the receptionist might have caught a fleeting glimpse of my crazed attack on the fourth floor’s button before the doors shut.

Five cubicles. Four cubicles. Go!

The office flew by in a blur. Suddenly, I was there, at what might as well have been the Pearly Gates. A tentative test: yes! I thrust myself inward, threw the place in order, and at last commenced. A rush of glee, satisfaction, bewilderment–a veritable fountain of emotion sprung forth! …and then the moment passed; the task was complete. A tinge of sadness, but no: this was a glorious occasion, not one to be mourned. I turned, sighing with contentment, and reached out to wipe clean the slate for another day. Yet, something was amiss. Indeed, something had gone horribly, unspeakably awry!

Oh. My. God. I clogged the office’s fucking industrial toilet!

Posted on 10/24/08 at 3:45PM,