The House does not like the Senate bill on its own, but will support it given the subsequent passage of a “fixes” package via reconciliation (an up-or-down, simple majority vote).

The passage of said package has some potential procedural problems, and many House members are worried about it actually passing after supporting the Senate bill. There’s talk of Obama waiting until the reconciliation package is passed before signing the Senate bill into law, but there doesn’t seem to be a definitive consensus on whether this is allowed.

The Democrats in particular are worried about electoral consequences of first voting for the Senate bill, and then for the reconciliation package, as Republicans have explicitly threatened to treat a vote for the Senate bill as a vote for the special treatment language for states like Florida (where there is currently some sort of exemption from Medicare reform in the Senate bill). Most House members also support the reconciliation package, which strips out the offending language that Republicans have threatened to utilize while campaigning during the midterm election. But the threats still stand from the Republican bloc even though, assuming the reconciliation bill passes, said threat will be technically incorrect in terms of legislation that is signed into law. As a result of these threats and the fact that, currently, the Republican minority is preventing an up or down vote on any further health care legislation in the Senate (thanks to the filibuster), the House may invoke the self-executing rule.

The self-executing rule, in a nutshell, combines two pieces of proposed legislation into a single entity for the purposes of voting. The talk of there being “no vote” on the legislation is inaccurate; rather, the self-executing rule allows for the House to vote on the reconciliation bill AND the Senate bill as a combined package, effectively achieving the same outcome we’d have were the fixes package to be passed via reconciliation after independent passage of the Senate bill.

In a smaller, more technical nutshell: the House will vote on the reconciliation bill–which is subsidiary to the Senate bill–and in passing the reconciliation bill, which modifies proposals in the Senate bill, the Senate bill will be “deemed passed.” In essence, a vote using the self-executing rule is still a normal vote on health reform (as it necessarily supports the Senate bill); it’s just a vote that guarantees the inclusion of the fixes package with the original bill, as opposed to separating the two votes

The Senate will still need to pass the fixes bill in their house. The Senate bill already passed in that house, however, so that portion will be available to Obama immediately for signing (assuming it passes). If the fixes package makes it to the Senate, it will only need a simple majority to pass and will be immune from the filibuster due to rules surrounding reconciliation.

And that’s the situation as far as I understand it. It’s a far cry from not holding a vote on the legislation, and it’s apparently become a rather common practice since the 1980s and the development of more partisan houses of Congress, by both Democratic- and Republican-controlled congresses (though the latter group has used it in a higher percentage of their bills historically, mostly post-1995). Use of the rule should have little to no effect on the ultimate legislative outcome. It could have a potentially large effect on the politics of the situation, however, as it might deny ammunition to the minority party for the coming election cycle.

Given that neither party has been loathe to use the procedure in the past, and because I personally believe the Republican Party has forced this mess upon themselves by blocking most attempts at holding a true up-or-down vote by abusing the filibuster, I’m not opposed to its use. It’s a very tricky procedural maneuver to be sure, and I wish it were possible to proceed without relying on such tactics. But as the minority party has refused to budge at all turns, and is now threatening to compound that abuse by politically attacking Democrats for voting for a bill in a manner brought about because of that same intractability, I can’t say that I’m very sympathetic to their complaints. It’s a politically motivated move, but neither side can escape blame for creating the situation that has prompted it.

The basis of this hypothesis lies in the idea that many popular social perspectives, views, and/or positions are at least somewhat influenced on a biological or instinctual level. For instance, racism, which is still something that modern civilizations have trouble with, might well be rooted in a biological bias against others different from yourself (i.e., the notion that a gazelle will be biased against a cheetah, albeit using more obvious physiological cues). I am not attempting to justify racism or other issues of this type, only to lay the logical foundation for my hypothesis.

Fortunately for humans as a species, our brain has allowed us to overcome instinctual and biological triggers to some extent, in part by allowing for the rationalization and implementation of societal frameworks that abridge various behaviors. It is unlikely that the cheetah feels remorse over his “murder” of the gazelle; but humanity, having moralized the value of life on a widespread scale, often takes steps to preclude or disincentivize the commission of murder. This is useful in maintaining a cohesive, functioning civilization; civil rights laws, too, are useful in much the same way.

Which brings us to the insulting part:

I hypothesize that, at least in part, the (socially and/or politically) conservative individual is in some senses less evolutionarily advanced than his liberal brethren.

Talk about a qualified statement! But how do I arrive at this hypothesis? Basically, it comes down to fear, and how we as a species treat fear-inducing stimuli. Fear is a useful biological reaction, but much of humanity’s progress has involved overcoming frightening things. The ability to achieve flight; exploration of inhospitable areas on and off Earth; interaction with other cultures within our own species: all acts that required behavior contrary to what instinct might dictate, yet all acts that have yielded immeasurable benefit for humanity.

Now, let us examine the conservative ethos. In popular politics and social commentary, the overriding emotion is fear. Fear of government; fear of gays; fear of change; fear of socialism. The word “fear” may not be used in many or even any of the statements made about these subjects by conservatives, but it’s most often the underlying emotion, the driving force behind an argument that the politician or popular speaker is hoping will bring his message home, bypassing more logical or rational analyses in favor of a response from the gut. Whether any individual argument is logically sound, presenting it in a shroud of fear does not belie the fact that the logic often seems less important than the emotion.

Which is not to say that liberals don’t sometimes employ similar tactics, but in the age of the “party of no” it’s fairly obvious as to which camp employs them more often. And, as such, is it unreasonable to hypothesize that part of the impetus for the more conservatively-minded among us is that they are less developed? That their mental progress is not yet sufficient to overcome as much biological bias as others are able to? That gays and taxes and health reform and the less fortunate are simply too much like the cheetah to risk trusting?

This is my hypothesis.

Wrong, at least if you’re the recording industry. As usual, executives are still trying to lay the blame for falling revenues on the big bad wolf of the industry: illegal file sharing (and, by extension, swappers). As the International Federation of the Phonographic Industry (the UK’s version of the RIAA) states rather straightforwardly:

…the net effect of file-sharing on music purchasing is overwhelmingly negative as evidenced by numerous third party studies around the world.

By which they mean to imply that illegally downloaded files equate to lost sales. But is this logic sound?

Let’s ignore whether or not downloading music is correct in an ethical sense; while that’s a part of big content’s overall message, it’s not a component of this individual argument. Instead, let’s focus on the one thing we know: an illegally downloaded file generates no direct revenue for the content owner. (I say “direct revenue” because it’s quite possible an illegal download might spur legitimate purchases in some cases.) And that’s it. We don’t know, for instance, if the downloading individual will further distribute a file once acquired. We don’t know if the individual will keep the file or discard it. And we don’t know whether the one downloading an item illegally would purchase said item if file sharing avenues were not available or accessible.

That last point is the kicker. You can’t assume that every download represents a necessary choice between “I will purchase this” and “I will illegally download this.” This has even been backed up in the courts. In fact, my guess is that such is rarely the case. Consider if you will these other possible scenarios, in order from what I consider least to most likely:

• Downloader is acquiring music he already owns in another, non-digital format for ease of use and portability
• Downloader is employing a “try before you buy” strategy
• Downloader is actively choosing to acquire content illegally, but might acquire content legally given a comparably convenient legal alternative
• Downloader is actively choosing to acquire content illegally, and would not buy said content even if it were not available through illicit channels

In all of these cases, while big content might be able to argue that downloads represent “deserved” revenue (though that too is debatable), you cannot state with certainty that file sharing results in lost sales. A person who at no point had any intent to purchase the content he is acquiring is not a potential customer.

So why are recording industry revenues declining? There are a number of theories, but one of the most likely reasons is outlined by William Patry in his Moral Panics and the Copyright Wars:

The problems in the Copyright Wars are not caused by technologies or by consumers acting badly, and they cannot therefore be solved by laws, and certainly not by more draconian laws. The problems—such as the decline in sales of CDs and DVDs—are the result of the copyright industries’ many and considerable failures to focus on satisfying consumers’ desires as opposed to stifling those desires out of a woefully misguided view that copyright equals control and that control equals profits.

And though it’s somewhat beside the point of this post, this logic may help explain some of the actual lost sales that come about because of file sharing (for, certainly, there will be some users who fit this bill). Which is to say, a lack of desirable or user-friendly legal alternatives may act as a sort positive reinforcement for piracy. The availability and quality of such alternatives is improving, but the continued machinations of big content belie a still extant distrust of digital distribution avenues.

Update: and the tweaks continue! A few more visual enhancements have been made, and there’s now search functionality on the site, accessible either via the form on the bottom of the front page or the form at the top of every archive page. Additionally, the RSS feed is no longer syndicated by Facebook. Instead, I’ve set up a plugin to handle automatic posting of new entries as Shared Items on my wall, providing for a link to the entry along with a short excerpt.

“What’s with the name?”
One of the first reactions to the announcement was: “you’re calling it the what?” Indeed, aside from the acclaimed alphabetic prefix, the name seems rather un-Apple. It’s almost preposterously, purposefully entertaining, and has of course already spawned a number of humorous responses. Personally, I can’t say that I’m a big fan of the choice, especially on an aesthetic level. But on a marketing level, I believe the name could be genius. It’s eminently recognizable, memorable, and straightforward, all qualities Apple gravitates toward in more areas than just its naming conventions. And, as with Nintendo’s own funnily named device, I’m betting the iPad name will slowly transform into something household and ordinary, a process made possible in large part because of the satirical attention the device will at first receive. A form of word assimilation, if you will.

“It doesn’t have enough features!”
This is perhaps the biggest area of complaint, and one that goes hand in hand with questions about what the device is actually for (which I’ll address below). Michael Pusateri has a useful perspective on this phenomenon:

Remember way back to January 2007, when the iPhone was announced? Oh Internets, you wailed and gnashed your teeth endlessly. No 3G network? No MMS? No apps on the iPhone? No replaceable battery? Oh, your complaints were endless. You were sure that the iPhone was doomed because it didn’t meet all your requirements.

And what happened? Well, Apple has sold 40 million iPhones. FORTY MILLION. They have become the largest mobile device company in the world.

So today, you moan on and on about all the features you expected and demand in the iPad. What no Verizon? No two-way camera? It’s not weightless? A full half inch thick? Only 10 hours of battery life? You make tons of predictions on the success and failure with scant details and without ever actually trying one.

The same sort of reactionary punditry we’re hearing today is exactly the same kind of talk we heard when the original iPhone is released, and that is now one of Apple’s biggest successes. They have a tried and true philosophy that began with the iPod, was applied to the iPhone and iPod Touch, and now will be used with the iPad: design a product with superb core functionality in place, make it look slick and feel great, release it, and then iterate on that core. Given how well it’s worked in the other product areas Apple has applied it to, I see no reason to doubt its efficacy when applied to the iPad.

Also, regarding the loudest individual feature complaint–no multitasking–I would remind you that Apple holds an annual developer conference, and that iPhone (and, as it were, iPad) OS 4.0 is due out this summer. Nothing is confirmed, but it is widely presumed that Apple will address multitasking in both their Phone and Pad paradigms at that time. To paraphrase a friend from Apple, their biggest competitor is Android, and they’re looking very closely at the competition in designing OS 4.0.

“But, what is it for?”
Far and away the most difficult question to answer, but also the most important to understanding the iPad’s potential. It has already been addressed by a number of respected pundits more eloquently than I could ever hope to, but my favorite take is more of a meta-analysis of the impact the iPad will have on the state of personal computing, penned by Steven Frank of Panic fame. I suggest you read it in full, but the basic premise is encapsulated below:

In the Old World, computers are general purpose, do-it-all machines. They can do hundreds of thousands of different things, sometimes all at the same time. We buy them for pennies, load them up to the gills with whatever we feel like, and then we pay for it with instability, performance degradation, viruses, and steep learning curves. Old World computers can do pretty much anything, but carry the burden of 30 years of rapid, unplanned change. Windows, Linux, and Mac OS X based computers all fall into this category.

In the New World, computers are task-centric. We are reading email, browsing the web, playing a game, but not all at once. Applications are sandboxed, then moats dug around the sandboxes, and then barbed wire placed around the moats. As a direct result, New World computers do not need virus scanners, their batteries last longer, and they rarely crash, but their users have lost a degree of freedom. New World computers have unprecedented ease of use, and benefit from decades of research into human-computer interaction. They are immediately understandable, fast, stable, and laser-focused on the 80% of the famous 80/20 rule.

Apple, with the iPad, is betting on a future where so-called New World Computing is the norm. Under-the-hood tinkering and hierarchical file systems will give way to an abstracted, blobular form of interaction, one in which we can focus on tasks rather than specific applications or data types. There are obvious caveats, especially for those heavily invested in Old World methods (such as myself!), and I don’t believe the Old World will ever fully disappear–someone will be developing applications and writing OSes, after all–but for a more detailed analysis thereof you should read the essay.

But what about right now, in this moment? I am certainly not the target audience for this device–an uber-nerdy, low-level complexity enjoying, tinkerer of a user–but someone like my mother would love an iPad. It’s straightforward and easy to use; it does everything she needs to do (browse the internet, check email, look at pictures); it’s thin, portable, and can be toted around the house with ease; and it frees her up from having to worry about, for instance, what a ZIP file is, or what exactly a disk image does, or where that pesky Downloads folder is located. All of this is abstracted away in lieu of a New World experience.

“What’s in it for Apple?”
Apple has, as with the iPod and iPhone before it, identified what they consider to be a new and relatively untapped computing niche. Smartphones and portable MP3 players existed before the former two Apple products were released, but because they applied their design sense and the aforementioned iterative product philosophy, they were able to capture those markets and transform the product landscape (especially with the iPhone; see Google’s Android, Palm’s WebOS). I have no doubt they’re attempting to do the same thing here, to release a product that no one else quite has and, ultimately, dominate the forthcoming market on account of their prescience.

The Old World/New World dichotomy is still likely a long ways away from being fully realized in a majority of consumer computing appliances, but in the meantime I’ll bet people are going to fall in love with these things as soon as they get their hands on them. And, despite all the racket over what’s “missing,” Apple’s going to be laughing all the way to the bank as those whose concerns don’t lie explicitly with Gigahertz, Gigabytes, or Graphics Cards buy iPads up like hotcakes.

• Moved into a new apartment in downtown Berkeley
• Furnished, decorated (somewhat), and cozified said apartment
• Worked like crazy at the new job, and had a lot of fun to boot
• Purchased a new TV, built a new HTPC, and built a new networked storage box
• Written a few new songs
• Had entirely too much beer (damn you delicious Berkeley pubs!)

Ok, so not all those items are exactly great excuses, but I have no regret. (That Catholic guilt won’t get me; being raised ostensibly Protestant helps, I suppose.) As for those new songs, here are a couple of them, with the usual caveats that they were recorded with what low-quality means I have available and thus are pretty rough. The second one is also pretty ridiculous.

Jam for Cami
The Whiz Song

Oh, and if you’re going to be in Berkeley, feel free to give me a shout out. I promise I’ll lead you to the best beer in town.

I’ll be working for MPR Associates, Inc. as a Web Developer. To quote their–our?–website:

MPR is one of the nation’s leading education research and consulting firms. Our work is based on the belief that policy and practice should be informed by impartial, rigorous assessment of their effectiveness. For more than twenty years, MPR has conducted research and provided a variety of services for all levels of the U. S. education system, with the goal of strengthening the system and expanding educational opportunities.

Our clients include schools and local programs, districts, states, the federal government, universities, and private foundations. MPR’s work addresses such topics as K-12 school reform, including career and technical education; teachers, instruction, and assessment; accountability and standards; school finance; adult education and literacy; and postsecondary education, especially issues related to student financial aid, access and persistence, and degree attainment.

As a Web Developer, I won’t likely be involved with the actual data collection or the crafting and testing of hypotheses in relation to that data, but I will likely be working with the data in terms of helping to manage, maintain, and build tools and websites that can be used to manipulate and display various information. For instance, the University of California StatFinder, a nifty tool that I’d actually already used once or twice at my previous job, was created by MPR and can display and transform information on things like undergraduate admissions, enrollment, and graduation.

I’m very excited to get started; the work sounds as if it will be both challenging and fulfilling, the people on my team seem awesome, and the environment feels as if it will fit my personality perfectly. Plus, I’ll have an income (hurrah!). I feel very lucky, what with the economy in the state it is and jobs not exactly sprouting from trees at the moment, and on top of everything the projects I’ll be working on at MPR revolve around an area about which I am truly passionate–namely, education.

Oh, and did I mention the office is a 10 minutes walk away from my apartment? ;-)

So, here’s to employment! Thanks for all the well wishing, everyone.

Song for Robert
As the title might imply, I wrote this song for Robert, my good friend and old roommate. A great joke, I believe the song made him quite uncomfortable at the time of writing. There’s an old video of me doing this song, but this recording and take is much better.

Infect Me
This is where things geeksplode. The song was written in reference to Valve’s recent multiplayer title, Left 4 Dead, which is quite fun and involves tons of zombie-splattering goodness. As such, you might not catch all the references unless you’ve played the game; still, all you really need to know is that the Boomer explodes all over you, the Smoker has a long tongue, the Hunter pounces, the Witch screams, and the Tank is a big oafish fellow.

“You could easily go hippie fishing with a reinforced pole and large magnet.”

Albeit, Jeremy is not actually a great philosopher, or even a middle of the road philosopher; he’s not a philosopher at all, really. Yet his aphorism could not be more appropriate, or at least realizable, for what is now my alma mater.

And though my undergraduate education may now be in the past tense, I’m still here, working away the hours and experiencing mild schadenfreude at the fact that everyone around me has to attend class. I was at first unsure of my decision to delay law school for a year, but I’m now certain it was the right choice. I wouldn’t be here with time enough to contemplate the optimal pound test for my envisioned Hippie Reel 3000™, at the least.

So, 2009 has arrived, Obama is here at last, I’m in the job market for the first time in almost five years, I’ve a couple new suits in line to be tailored, and Berkeley continues on much as it has this past age. Here’s to hoping it’s a good year and, more importantly, to avoiding unemployment.

My heart was pounding. My breath was ragged. My head was chaos. I quickened my pace, but tried to appear controlled, collected: I was a man on a mission. The forced smile likely did little to mask what must have seemed a dull grimace to passing onlookers. But their thoughts could not have been more than speculation, a fortune cookie’s read into a situation far more complex and terrifying than any unconcerned pedestrian might fathom. And the situation was mine.

What will happen if I don’t?

The structure was visible now. Sweat had long ago begun to flow, but there was no time to worry. I tried increasing the pace again, straining against the muscles that screamed, that must have wondered why this absurd posture was carried on. Yet I persisted, onward to the door, and through it in one swift motion. The interior breached, I nearly lunged toward the elevator and hit the call button, then glanced at the floor indicators only to be mocked with ludicrous heights.

God, not here. Not like this.

The lift descended with agonizing slowness. It took all my strength to keep my body still, to contain the raw adrenaline coursing through me. I hardly noticed the movement to enter the car when it arrived; it was as if I’d materialized there upon its appearance. A stroke of luck: I was alone. Only the receptionist might have caught a fleeting glimpse of my crazed attack on the fourth floor’s button before the doors shut.

Five cubicles. Four cubicles. Go!

The office flew by in a blur. Suddenly, I was there, at what might as well have been the Pearly Gates. A tentative test: yes! I thrust myself inward, threw the place in order, and at last commenced. A rush of glee, satisfaction, bewilderment–a veritable fountain of emotion sprung forth! …and then the moment passed; the task was complete. A tinge of sadness, but no: this was a glorious occasion, not one to be mourned. I turned, sighing with contentment, and reached out to wipe clean the slate for another day. Yet, something was amiss. Indeed, something had gone horribly, unspeakably awry!

Oh. My. God. I clogged the office’s fucking industrial toilet!

Note for posterity: this event did not, in fact, actually occur. I was simply inspired to write this tale of fiction after a particularly entertaining day at the office.

Some of you may recall the great Facebook Privacy Debacle™ of 2006, which was larger in scale but equally as silly as the current snafu. Funny that those same liberal progressive hipsters who so clamor for change in some places would rally against it in others, but that’s exactly the mentality of a decent chunk of Facebook users concerning the site’s new look.

One such concerned soul sent me an invitation to the Petition Against the “New Facebook” group, which currently has over one million users and looks to have been created about three months ago. I took a look, but only because I want to make fun of the membership.

I even thought I might join the group in order to post some counter-protests on their discussion board, but decided to post here in lieu of that option. (A number of people seem to have actually carried through with that idea, as a quick perusal of the discussions uncovered a number of posts calling the group out on its whiny nature.)

Anywho, it’s pretty simple: if you don’t like the new Facebook, just don’t use it. Simple, no? Most of the changes are obviously for the better from a usability standpoint, and I don’t mind the purely aesthetic changes either. It makes more use of available space, presents more information in a more readable format, and generally does little to malign the unsuspecting user. What’s there to bitch about?

Perhaps the best thread within the group is one pressing users who dislike the changes to deactivate their account. It had a mere 61 replies when I noticed it, but I think the idea is absolutely fantastic! And, of course, I say that in order to fully support the protest of Facebook’s egregious, anti-user design practices, and not just because those who adhered to this policy would contribute to a reduction in the overall whininess of the greater Facebook population. Of course.

Let’s give Facebook 999,939 more reasons they won’t care about to listen to users! Deactivate now!

So I was mugged (see?) on the Friday of last week. I was just strolling down Walnut at about 1PM in the afternoon, minding my own business and enjoying what was a beautiful day, when one of three guys that had been walking in my direction on the sidewalk inquired, “Hey holmes, you have an iPod?”

At this point my brain didn’t quite register what what was about to transpire; I think my first reaction was the sort I’d normally have to a panhandler, so I managed to get out a “no” in response before a sucker punch came flying in my direction and took me unawares in the jaw. I’d never actually been punched in earnest before, and it was an interesting experience. It didn’t really hurt (and I didn’t even bruise afterward; it was either a glancing or a very weak-sauce swing), but it was rather disorienting, as one doesn’t normally expect to be punched by some stranger when walking down the street.

I sat down in an adjacent stairwell at that point, told them I had nothing, and ended up giving them my (cheap, free, Verizon) cell phone and $7 from my wallet. I really didn’t want them to actually take my wallet (it’s almost comical that my brain was thinking ahead to the pain in the ass that is dealing with credit companies and the DMV), so I just held it up and proffered the bills within. I also had my laptop in my backpack at the time, but I didn’t say anything about it, and these muggers weren’t very thorough (or intelligent, presumably, but then I wonder if any muggers are). All in all, a very poor take for the three (which looked about 20-ish), especially given the police now have a pretty accurate description of all of them.

Given the recent flurry of small (and not so small) crimes in and around Berkeley, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, but at the same time, this occurred in broad daylight in Northside, a block from gourmet ghetto. It’s definitely a little scary, but things could have been much worse. Life goes on, and the initial look-over-my-shoulder apprehension I had for the first few days after the attack has disappeared. Perhaps the worst part is that those assholes made me miss lunch with Cami! Luckily, the officer who took my statement was nice enough to drive by Oscar’s, where Cami was waiting and worried given I was 30 minutes late and not answering my (by then stolen) cell phone. It was very nice to have her around just then, too, as I was a bit shaken after the initial shock passed.

Funnily enough, my iPod, which I would normally have with me (I never leave the house without it) had just bit the big one a week earlier due to old age and hard drive failure. Had I still been using it, the muggers would have had something more to show for their misguided efforts, which makes me almost happy that the thing broke when it did :)

And, while I’m here, I’d like to shout out to everyone that I need to collect phone numbers! I’ve felt so naked this past week without a cell phone, but I have managed through bumming my roommates’ phones and directing people to call me on the house line. Now that I almost have my new one, however, I’m ready to start rebuilding the contact list (and this time I have Bluetooth functionality, which means I’ll be able to keep a copy on my computer). It will be activated tomorrow, so feel free to call me so I can add you (619/823-9312), or just shoot me a message or post here with your number.

Happy end-of-finals and gradumation everyone ^_^

And I feel as if this week has been conducted under the influence of one. I’ve had the hardest time I can remember getting back into the swing of school, classes, homework, etc., and have instead felt like a big, lethargic Slacker McSlackyPantsâ„¢. Work hasn’t been as much an issue, as I was working during Spring Break already, but academia is not overflowing with appeal at the moment.

Maybe it’s the annoying campaigners on campus that feel the need to bug you whenever you dare venture outside the lecture hall (I’m wearing headphones for a reason, thanks). Or perhaps it’s my brain’s way of rebelling for not getting to sleep in all of last week, which would have been preferable. But I believe the main factor is simply an advanced case of that dreaded disease that eventually affects even the most studious of students. It’s been creeping up on me for a while now, but the past week–in which my brain practically turned off for the duration–was impetus enough to kick it into overdrive.

Or maybe underdrive?

The weekend is now here, so hopefully I’ll be able to satisfy the latent desire to vegetate for the next few days and pick up the pace come Monday. Of course, I’m always a procrastinatory son of a bitch to some extent; I just know that the key is reaching that threshold necessary to distract those responsibilities breathing down your neck for just long enough to pass muster. And yes, I know that they’ll return eventually. Then the process begins again.

But I won’t worry about that until next week.

Alas, the post-21 world is lacking in the anticipation of previous years, as there are really no further privileges to be unlocked with the arbitrary key of age. Unless, that is, you frequently rent cars, in which case the economic benefits of your 25th birthday will relieve you of great monetary hardship. I’m much more a fan of borrowing my roommate’s car, however, so the flair of that particular achievement doesn’t shine very brightly from four years afar.

I also received plenty of questions concerning the way I “feel” about being 22, a question which is invariably asked on every birthday yet remains eternally puzzling. Age is an artificial concept, one invented more for utility than anything; it is better, after all, than referring to individuals as “old guy,” “older guy,” and “oldest guy.” Yet people always wonder whether some magical change occurs on that one date a year, and my answer is more or less the same each time it’s asked: a shrug.

Yeah, passing the “legal” mark had its novelty, and proper access to alcohol was certainly appreciated last year, but the definition of “me” has not undergone any drastic alterations because of those events. The aging process is a gradual one, and though I may be surprised 18 years from now when I look back and realize, “Holy hell, I’m fucking old!”, it’s never that jarring when living the moment.

But, all pontificating aside, it was not a bad birthday, as there were plenty of friends, poker chips, and (most importantly) beer to tide everyone over. Cameron was down for the last few days of break, lending a nice touch to the otherwise testosterone-thick atmosphere (what a juicy image, ha!), and it was good to see the old gang back together on familiar turf. I rarely get to spend much time at home these days, so Winter Break in general is an anticipated and nostalgic event.

And of course, a big thank you to all those who left me electronic messages of well-wishing. It’s always fun to log into your neglected Facebook profile only to be buried under a pile of wall posts. One of these days I’m going to throw the party I’ve talked of for so long, and we’ll boogie down like we were meant to. In the meantime, stay classy, and much love for all those I cherish.

After considerable consideration, much wracking of my brain, and a fortuitous find next to the dumpster in our parking garage, I have at last found the solution! (Click for larger version.)

Finally, Charles’ marathon sessions will be able to continue truly uninterrupted! No more pesky bathroom breaks will be required. All that’s left is to bring the mini-fridge into the room, stock it with caffeinated beverages, hook his arm up to a nutrient-providing IV, and he’ll be set for life. To think that I, one of Charles’ truest and most cherished friends, have made possible such a glorious future for him. Sometimes I amaze even myself with my benevolence.

InDesign’s comprehensive Help system is available to you on your computer. Check it out; you may find all you need there. Be prepared to be told to Read The Fine Manual (RTFM) if you skip this step.

The emphasis is mine, but that bit sticks out even without the benefit of bold typeface. For the uninitiated, RTFM is a well-known internet acronym used to berate those who ask questions which have either obvious or easily locatable answers (Google is your friend!). However, the “F” definitely does not stand for “Fine”.

RTFM informal computing
read the fucking manual (used esp. in electronic mail in reply to a question whose answer is obvious).

That’s from the Oxford American Dictionary, which proves just how prolific the expression has become. It is well documented in popular culture, and though I’ve only heard it spoken out loud a handful of times, it is often used on the web in the presence of unintelligent life (which, alas, is even more widespread than this expression).

In any case, I appreciate Adobe’s playful deployment of this phrase, however mitigated, in their copy. Of course, humor cannot alter the fact that InDesign’s XML support is a horrid POS (Piece Of Stool), but I at least got a laugh out of the deal before resuming my seething anger over their ineptitude.

At first the University was shapeless, with nary a frosh to be seen. But the state hovered over the campus and said, “Fiat lux”, and the lux was fiated. Then were the younger separated from the older and wiser, and named “undergraduates” and “graduates”. This was the first day, and all saw that it was good.

On the second day, the buildings were made to rise from the bucolic landscape, a myriad of Towers, Gates, Halls, and Libraries, each filled with row upon row of seats and desks and years-old gum remnants.

And on the third day the gardeners were called to bring forth the plants and shrubbery so iconic of Berkeley, the pollarded planes and the everlasting eucalyptus, and Strawberry Creek was made to trickle amidst it all, lending its babbling backdrop to the landscape. All saw that it was good.

Then were the colleges separated so that hapless English majors mightn’t stray into the murky waters of the EECS department, and so Chemistry majors could avoid the dangers of Creative Writing. This was the fourth day.

On the fifth day the great edifices had their lecture halls filled with great orators and teachers, themselves edifices of pedagogy, so that knowledge might be shared with whoever wished it, whether it concerned the explosive antics of Muller’s Physics for Future Presidents or the archaic utterances of Miller’s Middle English Drama, and all were pleased with what they saw.

On the sixth day Welcome Week was formed, commanding the new students to bring forth all manner of bedding and toiletries and other dormitory paraphernalia. And then it was said, “Let us make these frosh and transfers and graduates in the image of happening individuals.” So they were started on a path that would fashion them in this likeness, and give them authority over their lives and the dreams each wished to realize. All looked upon what had been made, and were very pleased.

And on the seventh day, the semester began.

• While the hairstyle could use work, A Flock of Seagulls is fabulous
• I wear my sunglasses at night (NOT “stunna shades” you thieving hip-hoppers)
• Rubik’s Cubes rock my socks
• Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, The Goonies, and Back to the Future; need I say more?
• I have a pair of shiny, tight, slightly-stretchy black pants for 80s theme parties. The level physical of discomfort experienced while wearing these pants is a testament to just how authentic they are.

Of course, such modern niceties as the Interwebsâ„¢, Segways, and Prozac would no longer be available, but something deep within tells me that I would be too busy reveling in a sea of gaudy outfits, one-hit wonders, and mind-altering substances to care. Who says Reaganomics has to ruin your day? Trickle down the fun, baby.

“No, Johnny” she replied crossly. “Even if you were more athletically inclined, everyone knows that achromatic fellows struggle with bounding.” Johnny crossed his arms and glared upon hearing this rebuttal, but his mother continued. “You’d do much better to focus on your schoolwork, as pupils who fail to ponder lessons assiduously may enter into vocations with their appellations affixed to their garb.”

“This is unfair!” cried Johnny in an exasperated voice. “All the other kids are joining the team.”

“Including that ugly Smith boy, I imagine” she said. “His mother should have known that uncomely, aged gents make atrocious prized spouses. But that’s beside the point; my decision is final, and though it may seem unfair now, I know for a fact that this matriarchal institution will fashion you into an affable and alluring member of society.”

“Lily Schwartz is going to be there” responded Johnny with an affectation of meekness. “I thought that, maybe if I made the team, she might.. well, like me more.”

His mother gave a rueful smile. “Oh Johnny, my poor, poor Johnny. I know you think she’s interested but, despite her misleading disposition, the siren you seek will spurn your affections.” At this she reached out a hand to comfort the child, but he jerked away from her touch and buried his face miserably in his hands.

“If only he were of age,” she thought as her son let out a muffled sob. “Imbibing several spirits can make the homeliest barfly seem tantalizing, and I’m sure one of those horrid Smith girls would take a liking to my handsome boy in an instant were he willing.”

But that would have to wait.

It should be working as intended, but I did hack up the styling a bit to format the gallery in a more fitting manner for this site, so it’s possible one or two things might be broken or funky.  I’ll work out any kinks as they arise.  Otherwise, enjoy the now complete gallery!